the days of no feeling

when you feel the calmness that comes with newly fallen snow,
but none of the peace
when the sky is cloudless,
but you can't feel the warmth of the sun against your skin
when you feel the way your lips curl into a smile,
but are numb to the sensations that are supposed to come with it

you aren't sad
you aren't angry
you aren't wrapped up in despair or hurting deep in your heart
in fact, it's the opposite
you grasp at remnants of what existing feels like
try to cope with the disillusioning
the lacking
yourself

nothing